Help!

I'm having a go at Three Word Wednesday this week The words are Blemish, Erect and Lopsided. Just one look at those words reminded of a recent event!

Oh my giddy aunt, I got in such a muddle! People often joke about the problems that arise when assembling stuff from IKEA. Personally I’d never had problems before. I managed to stack my new crockery set OK, and scattering my cushions was a doddle.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I sploshed a tsunami of red wine all over my beautiful cream settee. At first I thought ‘You know what? It’s only a blemish and it’s actually quite a nice pattern’ 

But then my friend Keith came round and said it looked like I’d murdered someone! So I decided it had to go. I told Keith that I’d get a new one from IKEA and he offered to put it together for me. How dare he suggest I couldn’t erect it myself! Like I said I’ve had no problems erecting things in the past (Oh, blimey, that sounds bad!)

Once again, I’d let my stupid pride get in the way. I laid the bits of wood, the fabric and a million screwy things out on the carpet, and stood there with the paper instructions in one hand, a little Allen key in the other and a confused expression on my fizzog. (Why’s it called an Allen key? Why not an Alice key or a Carol key? See, sexist again!)

Anyway, four hours later I wished I could wind my watch back a week. It was assembled. Unfortunately, it was a bit lopsided. To be honest, it was more than lopsided; it didn’t even look like a sofa! It looked like a cloth covered staircase!

  

So I swallowed my pride and got my mate Allen to help me. I reckoned he was the best person to enlist as my little key was named after him!

It looks fantastic now - and I only drink white wine when I’m sitting on it!